TOP 5: Meant well phrases we're 'sick' of hearing

People with invisible conditions are often told things that are meant well but are actually a bit annoying. I don't mean this to sound ungrateful as I know people don't mean to offend and do wish others well but sometimes it wouldn't do any harm to think before they speak. So here is our top 5 list of phrases that we think people should think about before saying.

1. "But you don't look sick"

Too many of us hear this phrase too often, it's common to hear this from people when your disability is invisible. Just because visibly some people appear physically 'fine', whatever fine is, doesn't mean that they aren't disabled. Many people that suffer with invisible conditions have symptoms such as fatigue and chronic pain which is often overlooked by others simply because they can't see it.

2. "I found a cure online..."

There is always that one friend or relative that, whilst is very thoughtful and means well, often smothers you and is quite overwhelming. Whilst we appreciate that people take an interest and try to help out, far too often we hear of online rumours of cures and treatments. Although every now and again it may be an interesting read when you are bombarded with what is often false hope it can get a bit much.

3. "But you were fine yesterday"

People often say this as they don't understand that your abilities and symptoms may fluctuate day to day. Whilst yesterday you may have been a bit better (not necessarily 'fine') today might be one of your really bad days and so you have to cancel your plans. Unfortunately, some friends find this difficult to understand, especially when a bad day coincides with your coffee shop catch up.

4. "I feel so sorry for you"

Please don't. The last thing that people coping with illnesses or disabilities want is anyone's pity. All they want is to be treated 'normally'. I understand that is sometimes difficult to know what to say to someone when they're having a bad time, but instead of offering pity just talk to them normally and they'll open up to you if they want.

5. "I'm sure you'll be fine"

Again. This seems to be a reoccurring theme but what actually is 'fine'? Likewise, we also hope to feel a bit better tomorrow or in the upcoming days and we appreciate that you wish us well but I think being simply 'fine' is a bit too wishful, but one can hope.

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Disabilities Don't Define You - by Paisley Hansen

Disabilities Don’t Define You

Facing life with a disability can be a challenge. Uneducated or dismissive people may discount you as a member of society, or you may feel infantilized or marginalized by well-meaning family or friends. However, you do not have to allow your disability to define you. You are a person with a disability, not a disabled person. While you may never be able to change how some people view you, you can change how you view yourself. Here are some positive ideals you should embrace to keep your disability in a healthy perspective.

Focus on Strengths

Albert Einstein once said that a fish will go its entire life thinking it is stupid if you judge it on its ability to climb a tree. This is true of people, as well. You cannot go through life focusing on areas of weakness. Find your strengths and use them to your advantage. If you are living with a visual impairment, you may decide to pursue music. For those with speech issues, writing may be a good fit. Focus on what you can do, not what is difficult.

Overcome Obstacles

Confidence is built by overcoming challenges, so challenge yourself! If you have always wanted to perform on stage, finish a 5k, or travel to a foreign country, find a way to make it happen. You can break your goal down into smaller, easier-to-obtain goals to boost your confidence. Once you meet some of your goals, no matter how small, you will be able to overcome larger and larger obstacles as your confidence and belief in yourself soars.

- Photo taken from Flickr

Demand Independence

For some people with disabilities, receiving help from a caregiver or family member is essential. However, this does not mean you should allow yourself to be treated like a child. You can and should gently demand that your boundaries be respected if anyone attempts to provide help you don't want or need. This will help you feel independent and empowered, despite your disability. For example, if you are hearing impaired, there is no reason for well-meaning family and friends to take notes for you at a college lecture. You can rely on hearing aids, sign language, your professor's outline or speech-to-text software to handle your studies independently. If you are in a wheelchair and still want to drive, get a wheelchair van. There are many ways you can keep your independence.

Find Your Inspiration

Inspiration can come from many different sources, such as religion or celebrities. Many famous people have overcome disabilities to achieve their goals and make their dreams come true. For example, over a dozen previous presidents of the United States have had disabilities, including hearing impairments, learning disabilities, epilepsy and post-polio syndrome. None of these men let their challenges get in their way. If you are looking for a motivational quote to tape to your mirror, the following by deafblind author and activist Helen Keller is quite apt: "Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it."

Love Yourself

It is often said that you cannot love someone else until you love yourself. However, some people with disabilities may have trouble finding worth and value inside themselves. The media loves to portray anyone who is less than 'perfect' as the butt of jokes and unloveable. In reality, everyone is worthy of love. Make a list of your best qualities and read it every day. Cultivate your relationship with yourself and show yourself love by affirming your own worth and value every day.

Living with a disability cannot stop you from overcoming obstacles, being independent and achieving your goals. You are not your disability, and there is no reason to allow it to define you as a person. Changing your outlook on life with a disability is imperative to setting aside bitterness and forging forward with a renewed sense of purpose and accomplishment.

Written by Paisley Hansen

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Message from the Blogger...

Message from the Blogger...

Dear Readers,

I've been meaning to write a post like this for a while giving you all an update about this blog and why I love writing it. As you can see by my old posts Snippet of my life - Part 1 and Snippet of my life - Part 2 (which I wrote back in 2011 around the time when I set this blog up - so please don't judge them) the part 3 update is well over due! So for that I apologise.

I guess it's taken me this long to write this because I don't usually like to upload posts about me and my life and instead would rather use this as a platform to share info that can help others. But thought considering I often ask you all to share your inspiring stories I should probably share more of mine. So here goes...

I started this blog back in 2011 at the age of 16 after being diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome type 3. For those of you that don't know, EDS is currently an incurable hereditary condition in which the collagen in the body is too stretchy resulting in loose ligaments in the joints. This causes a great deal of pain as well as subluxations and dislocations of the joints. But for many sufferers such as myself, EDS is a physically invisible condition and so we look "normal".

I found it hard to comprehend how it could take 16 years for me to be diagnosed with a condition that I was born with and had pretty much always shown symptoms of. But finally after numerous misdiagnosis' and trips back and forth to various specialists I was relieved when I finally received the correct diagnosis.

I realised that it took this long as EDS is not only a rare condition but also an invisible one. Therefore many people with the condition, including myself appear completely fine. So, on one quiet Sunday evening back in 2011, I thought i'd set up a blog about EDS and other invisible conditions to help raise awareness, offer support to sufferers and educate others!

So here we are now - 3 years down the line. Showcasing a variety of posts from interviews, to helpful websites, video links to event pages and I've received almost 50,000 web page hits from you guys across the world, which for such a small blog about such a specific thing is crazy.

We're also on other social media including a Twitter page which has just reached over 1,000 followers.

I cannot thank you guys enough for your contributions, feedback and your interest in what I write about. This blog is going from strength to strength and I've learnt a lot along the way and there is still so much more content to come.

So in a nutshell, for me this blog is about sharing useful tips, links and helping someone else other than ourselves. There is always someone worse off. But I will try to give you more updates like this from time to 

time.

Abi x

For more info about my story, please check out my new website! 

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