"But You LOOK Good"

Wayne Connell - Founder and President of Invisible Disability Association (IDA)

"Have you ever shared details about your chronic illness and pain and the difficulties you experience daily, and had a person say in response, “Well, but you LOOK good?” Many people have experienced this situation and heard similar phrases that seem harmless, unless you are the one who would give up “looking good” any day to have moments of feeling good.

Do you ask a friend or family member living with chronic illness or pain how they are “feeling” every time you see them or talk to them? It tends to place your loved one in a difficult spot. They either lie to you and say they are “feeling fine,” or they tell you the truth. They feel sick and in pain, day after day. How about asking them how they are “doing” instead? Maybe they are “doing” okay, even though they are in pain.

As my wife, Sherri, explains “Sometimes it’s what people say that hurts more than the illness.” Most people do not say mean things on purpose, yet the things they say can come across as uncaring to a person journeying with illness and pain. Living daily with illness, pain and disability truly is a lifelong expedition. As with any expedition, we need to learn the language of the place we will be visiting. We need to learn what to say and what not to say in order to make sure we don’t end up lost or accidentally insulting someone.

In order to address and teach this new language of invisible disabilities, I wrote a booklet called, “But You LOOK Good, How to Encourage and Understand People Living with Illness and Pain.” It includes many ideas gleaned from my wife’s journal. It will help you to learn how to converse in your relationships with people touched by illness, pain and disability.

Invisible Disabilities Association Ambassador Mike Pierce (AKA Antarctic Mike) has learned this language of invisible disabilities. Here is his story." - Click here to read the rest of Wayne's story